When a loved one passes, the question of “Am I doing the right thing?” arises often. We wonder again and again if we’re doing right by the ones we love, and that feeling can extend to how frequently we visit their final resting place.
Are we visiting them enough? Let’s talk about why it’s such a difficult question to answer.
How Often Should I Visit My Loved One’s Final Resting Place?
You might imagine that you’ll visit every week, bringing flowers and planning to spend hours with them. Over time, you may have realized that this promise is hard to hold on to. As we move through the grieving process, we return to life, a changed life, but one that has its own demands and expectations.
If you’ve found that you’re visiting once or twice a year and are wondering if that’s enough, it’s important to understand that there’s no such thing as “enough.” What works for every family varies. If you’re able to visit your loved one on certain holidays or their birthday, and that’s all that fits in with what you’re able to do right now, that’s okay. Be kind to yourself, and don’t place unrealistic expectations of what you can do on yourself. Especially while you’re trying to navigate a new world with the heaviness of grief weighing upon you, you must give yourself some grace.
However, some people don’t visit their loved ones because they have a certain view of cemeteries as being gloomy places. It can be helpful to reframe your mindset to encourage yourself to visit your loved one’s final resting place.
A cemetery can be a place of connection, where you find your loved ones and can simply sit and talk like you once did. They can also be a place of healing as you gather with those with you on this earth to share stories about those you’re missing together, reminding you that you’re never really alone.
If the thought of visiting your loved one’s final resting place is overwhelming, try asking others who loved your loved one to come with you for support and camaraderie. You may find that sharing that time with others leads you to feel more comfortable.
Visiting your loved one’s final resting place isn’t about checking something off your to-do list, which is why you don’t need to have a set goal for how many times you visit your loved one. Visit them because it makes you feel connected to them, can be a bonding experience with those you love, and can remind you of all the memories you’ve shared with them. And remember that while you grieve, it’s not about whether you’re “doing enough.” It’s about being on a journey through grief and figuring out what you need to heal.