Families have been gathering at cemeteries for generations. Going back to before the Civil War, families would participate in Decoration Days. Held on a Sunday in late spring or early summer throughout the South, they would gather in a family graveyard, invoking a feeling of an extended family reunion in which the living and their ancestors come together. Many families still celebrate this tradition, which often includes a prayer service, music, decorating gravesites, and “dinner on the ground,” or a potluck.
Whether you’re planning a Decoration Day or another family event in a cemetery, here are a few tips to consider to help you organize it.
5 Steps to Planning a Family Gathering in a Cemetery
1. Look up cemetery rules and guidelines.
The first step to organizing a family gathering in a cemetery is to be aware of cemetery rules and expectations. Before planning an event in a cemetery, you should know their hours of operation, rules regarding what can be placed on gravesites, if food or drink is allowed in the cemetery, and any other rules that may pertain to planning a family gathering in a cemetery. If you can’t find the answer to your question on the website, make a list of what you’re unsure of to ask the cemetery, as you’ll need to contact the cemetery directly during a later step.
2. Pick a date and time.
Now that you know the rules of the cemetery, including the dates and times they’re open, you can start contacting your family to set a date for the gathering. Once you find a date and time that works for both your family and the cemetery, you can move on to the next step.
3. Locate your loved ones’ gravesites.
Often, when families gather in a cemetery, they want it to be near their loved ones’ burial spots, helping it feel like a family reunion with the departed. If that’s the direction you want to go in, as well, you should locate their gravesites before planning your event. However, some cemeteries may also have a separate gathering place where they’d like you to hold the majority of your event.
4. Contact the cemetery.
Once you have your date and time and know where you want to hold the gathering, contact the cemetery directly. Confirm that the date and time are possible for the cemetery. Even if the cemetery is open during that time, there may be another reason why that particular time wouldn’t be ideal. For instance, check if a funeral or burial service is taking place during the gathering. If that service is too close to the location you plan to hold the gathering, consider picking another date to be respectful of the service.
You should also use this time to ask any additional questions you might have. If you were unable to find the gravesites, you can use this time to also ask if the staff can help you find them or ask if there’s a specific location where your gathering will need to be held.
5. Pack what you need.
The next step is to start putting together what you need for the event. If the cemetery allows food, you might consider planning a picnic lunch. You might also consider bringing some quiet activities, particularly if you have kids in your group and need to keep them occupied. Perhaps pens, paper, and envelopes to write letters to your ancestors or flowers to make your own wreaths to set on the gravestones. You can also bring additional decorations to place on the gravestones and around the gathering space, depending on the rules of the cemetery.
6. Be respectful and mindful.
Be sure that all of your guests are aware of the cemetery rules, as well as general cemetery etiquette, such as not touching monuments without permission and keeping voices down. If you have children in your group, you might want to set aside time before the gathering to go over expectations. Children should be supervised at all times and should know not to run off the pathways, get too loud, or climb on monuments or markers.
A cemetery can be a beautiful place for a family gathering, but it’s essential to understand that it’s a special place. To keep it tranquil and to preserve its beauty, we all need to do our part.