Losing a loved one is somewhat of a misnomer. Our loved ones are never truly gone, though they may not be able to physically be with us. One of the most beautiful aspects of a cemetery is that it creates one physical place where you can always find your loved one, where you can keep them company and feel their presence. And holidays are often when we’re missing their presence the most. Here are a few ideas of how you can feel more connected to your loved ones and honor them on holidays.
4 Ways to Honor Your Loved Ones on Holidays at the Cemetery
Decorate their grave.
Many cemeteries allow families to come and decorate the grave of their loved one in honor of upcoming holidays. You might consider bringing in seasonal bouquets or flower arrangements specific to the holiday, like poinsettias for Christmas or poppies for Memorial Day.
It’s important to be familiar with cemetery rules before you bring in decorations. Some cemeteries do not allow for any artificial decorations or anything that can be damaged by or tossed around in bad weather. Even if you bring in fresh flowers, most cemeteries will still remove them after a certain amount of time, preventing dying flowers from being present on gravesites. If you’re unsure about the cemetery’s rules regarding decoration placement and removal, be sure to contact the cemetery staff ahead of the holiday.
Write them a letter or card.
Another way to stay connected to a loved one during the holidays is to write them a letter or a card. In some cases, you may be able to leave the card at the gravesite, usually with the caveat that it must be affixed to the memorial marker in some way so that it’s not blown around in the wind. But some cemeteries do not allow cards or letters to sit at a gravesite, so check the cemetery rules before deciding to leave any of them at your loved one’s resting place.
Even if you can’t leave the card, simply writing it and reading it to your loved one can feel very therapeutic. Getting your thoughts out and telling your loved one all the things you want to say can remind you of the days when you would enjoy conversations with them and stay up to date on each other’s lives.
For some families, it’s tradition to write a holiday letter every year, telling loved ones about their adventures from the year past, all the things that changed and the beautiful life they’ve built. Even if your family never held that tradition, it can be very meaningful to start writing these letters after a loved one has passed. Not having loved ones there for milestones in your life can be hard, but writing and sharing these letters at their gravesite can make you feel like they’re still there for them.
Sit and stay a while.
You might consider visiting your loved one’s grave for quiet reflection and reminiscing around the holidays. You might not feel much in a celebratory mood, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel a lot of different emotions around holidays, especially if they held a great deal of significance for you and the person you’re missing.
You can choose to come out on your own and plan some one-on-one time with your loved one. You don’t have to really do anything at all. You can sit and read or just talk to them about your day. One of the common misunderstandings about honoring your loved one in a cemetery is that many people think they have to do a lot, like hold gatherings or events in their honor. But the truth is that there’s no one way to honor someone, and simply spending time thinking about them is a beautiful way to honor their memory.
Especially if you’re feeling a lot of difficult emotions and a weight on your shoulders, it’s okay to just simply be with your loved one. It may help you process these emotions.
Plan a gathering and engage in a family tradition.
On the other hand, being in a cemetery doesn’t have to be a solemn occasion. It’s entirely up to you and how you’re feeling. Maybe you’d rather not be on your own with your loved one in a cemetery, and you’d rather have others with you. You might consider planning a gathering in the cemetery in honor of a holiday.
It can also be very meaningful to continue a family tradition that happens on this particular holiday. For instance, if it’s tradition that you and your family read “A Visit From St. Nicholas” aloud every Christmas, you might gather your family around your loved one’s grave and take turns reading it.
Or you can make a new, meaningful tradition. For instance, if your mother is resting in a cemetery and Mother’s Day is approaching, you might make plans for you and your siblings to come together and each share a favorite memory with her. Choose a new or old tradition that brings you peace and comfort. Honoring your loved ones for the holidays is as much for the living as for those resting in the cemetery. Taking the time to remember them can help alleviate some of the added grief that holidays can bring about when you’re missing someone.